I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
