Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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