carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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