I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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