Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
