Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
