In the future we'll all be gay
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
