He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
