i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my being single is dangerous.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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