my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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