I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
