hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
