Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
