you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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