i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
