I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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