thus making me awesome and them whores
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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