I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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