the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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