idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
