My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
