theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
