You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
