I only kidnapped one of them. chill
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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