So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
