Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
