Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
