i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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