is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
