At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
