I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
this hospital has no fireball
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
