I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
