it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
