My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
