the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
