just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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