My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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