so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
