I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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