do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
