so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
