I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
