someone threw a dead crab at me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
