He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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