I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
