Yo dont text me then not text me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
