I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
