woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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