did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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