The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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