he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
