I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This girl is more easily done than said...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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