Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
