I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
