My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
