Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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